brain cancer

One year. The passage of time since Sam died means nothing and everything to me at once.  For an instant I can capture the memory of Sam's last moments as though they happened yesterday, yet I feel like I've been living without him for a very long time.   That Sam is gone at all still leaves me stunned, yet there are times when I can scarcely believe he was ever here at all.  On the one hand I am devastated and immobilized, on the other even I am dumbfounded at my ability to continue to live this life.  Recently I was confronted with the idea of my own mortality. Like many women, I was called in for a second look after my annual mammogram. This was a first for me, and women don't talk about this frequent request for additional images so I assumed of course that I had breast cancer. I assumed I, like Sam, would die of my cancer.  Now all this drama happened over the course of only 3 days but at some point while I was imagining my demise, weeping more than usual, ...